Cheez-its as Croutons

I like Cheez-its and so do my dogs. We often snack on the cheddary, cheezy, crunchy goodness of Cheez-its while watching an episode of Animal Planet together.  Now, don’t be lured into buying an off brand in order to save a little money. Big mistake. The last time I did that(because I’m a cheapskate) the first thought into my mind when popping one into my mouth was, “These aren’t as good as Cheez-its.” Downer. The dogs don’t seem to mind, but then, they’d eat poop if you put some gravy on it.

Whoever invented the Cheez-it should get a Nobel prize. Damn things are so good that I’ll suck the residue off my fingers rather than use a napkin. I’m certain that the local convenience store in heaven keeps plenty in stock. Bet they’re free, too.

I always keep a box of croutons in the pantry so that when company comes for dinner I can serve a salad that isn’t too bachelor. However, croutons are pricey. Overly so considering they’re dried bread with some seasoning. I’m also frequently dissappointed in the taste and texture of most croutons. For myself, I’d rather add some Cheez-its to a salad or bowl of soup than those retarded croutons.

I realize that Cheez-its as croutons my not catch on in our refined culture. However, they are far superior to saltines and a third the price of real croutons. Think about it.

ps. The author is not employed or compensated by Nabisco nor any of it’s subsitiaries.

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Flawed Genius

On this date(The Ides of March) Julius Caesar was murdered on the floor of the Roman Senate. I had written a tribute to both his accomplishments and suspect character. Twice I lost the stupid dialup connection that I’m forced to use here in Hooterville. The point of this post was to be that in our modern society we’re relegated to choosing leaders blessed with mediocrity.

While Caesar lived he was the best general, politician, and pubic speaker in ancient Rome. His reports to the Senate during the Gallic Wars have been used to this day to teach students the proper use of Latin.

Yet the man was seriously flawed. He suffered from eplilepsy.  Caesar could be cruel and vindictive to anyone who opposed his ambitions. He had no moral compass. When short of money he’d simply kill the wealthy and confiscate their fortunes. 

In the modern world, the trend is that truely talented people are loath to go into politics.  As a result, we’re stuck with unqualified individuals in extremely powerfull positions.  We now have a president that bows to foreign heads of state.  Bows!  Would Caesar bow to Cleopatra?  Nope.  He boinked her and laughed about it all the way back to Rome.  Deplorable, but in 500 years they’ll still be talking about what Caesar accomplished while Obama will be a footnote along with the likes of Martin Van Buren.

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If we ever get broadband here in Hooterville, I may start a home based business.  I have a cunning plan. Today, I was wandering around the internet looking for insights on such a venture. So, I find this site named “Roundtable Advantage”.  Boldly placed at the top of their home page, in huge block letters, sits their Mission Statement: “We Think Big. Because Thinking Small Is For Loosers”.

Loosers!  The irony is delicious. The cubs that publish this site no doubt spent their youth being absorbed in popular culture through the internet rather than doing English homework.  The use of “Loosers” is something I’d expect from a GED graduated convenience store clerk. Actually, I’m fine with GED grads at the local Circle K.  At least those folks aren’t foolish enough to think they can give advice to others on how to “Think Big” and succeed.

So, my advice to “Round Table” (two words) “Advantage” is to forget the web site and look for a real job. Oh wait, you probably have and were rejected for being unable to use standard English.

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